I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
