I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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