i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need to calm my uterus...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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