So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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