WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
