well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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