I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Shame is for Republicans.
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