Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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