I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've blown a few things in my day
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
