Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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