Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
