All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Every concussion has its silver lining
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
