I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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