dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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