i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
