What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
