I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
