you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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