Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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