I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
