i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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