Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
