I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
