new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
