My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
