First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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