Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
