I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
where am i from again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
