You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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