he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
