i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
