I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
