Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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