I'm gonna have a badass scar
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
