Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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