She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
