if you like me you must not know who I am
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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