This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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