I like my sex mixed with concussions.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
