See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
