True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
