P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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