I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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