my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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