24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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