i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
