I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
