we have pet lesbian snakes
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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