I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
