It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
